Many people believe they could easily identify a sexual abuser. Societal myths present abusers as dirty, old, single homosexual men. The only grain of truth in that description is that most (95% )of reported perpetrators are men. However, the “typical” offender is married, heterosexual and employed. Most people who sexually abuse children look and appear to act just like everyone else. It’s hard to face the fact that someone we know – and even like or love – might sexually abuse a child. But the truth is that in over 90% of cases, the child knows and trusts the person who commits the abuse.
This means that most abusers are either immediate family members (i.e. parents and siblings) or other close relatives (e.g. uncles, aunts, grandparents, cousins). Others in the child’s circle of trust may also be abusers. These include those with easy access to children because of their work in schools, child care centers, youth groups, sports teams, religious organizations and in other settings where children live and play.
Child sexual abuse often starts with a gradual process called grooming. During this period the abuser builds rapport and gains trust with not only the child, but their caregiver. Examples of grooming behavior include:
Does that mean you have to reject every genuine act of good directed towards you or your child? No, but the most effective tool parents have is their natural parental instinct to protect their children. Always be honest, vigilant and aware and most of all, don’t be afraid to ask questions.
It may look so normal at first it doesn’t even enter your radar screen. Maybe you observe someone playing with a child and feel a vague sense of unease. Maybe you thought, “I’m just over-reacting,” or, “He/She doesn’t really mean that.” If you are uncomfortable, but don’t see specific signs, trust your instincts and ask more questions. Below is a list of behaviors that might be cause for concern.
Do you know an adult, adolescent or older child who:
Sadly, in at least one out of three cases, according to the U.S. Department of Justice, youth sexually abuse their peers and/or younger children. Many of these children have been victims of child abuse or neglect themselves or have witnessed violence in the home. Youth with problematic sexual behaviors are in need of therapeutic help to deal with their own current or past trauma. Boulder County has a program that specializes in treatment for youth sex offenders called Project REACH. This treatment program creates long-term positive results and allows most children who have sexually offended to become healthy and productive adults.
For more information about abusers, including treatment, click HERE (info starts about mid-way down page)